After all, if we only do the minimum required of us, we probably won't get very far. So, if you've set your sights on world domination (or perhaps just that promotion you've always wanted), use these 18 tips to make it a reality.

Be the Best People Person

People skills are one of the most sought-after competencies valued by employers. When you work well with others, it improves productivity, creativity and job satisfaction. So, let's kick-start our top tips list by looking at what you can do to become a better people person.

1. Be a Great Communicator

Being able to communicate well – in person and in writing – is an essential skill in most workplaces. But, it's also one that is often forgotten about. In fact, a study from the National Commission on Writing reveals that blue-chip companies spend as much as $3.1 billion on writing training.

The ability to express yourself eloquently can mean the difference between getting noticed and being overlooked. Write a bad email and all anyone will remember is your poor grammar. But write one that is clear, concise and interesting, and you'll likely find that people will respond to your message quickly and positively.

2. Nurture Your Work Relationships

People skills are as important in the workplace as technical ability. These kinds of "interpersonal skills" can help you to collaborate, communicate, manage conflict, motivate, increase productivity, solve problems, and network.

When you have good working relationships you'll likely be more happy and engaged at work, too. In fact, a 2023 study revealed that positive workplace relationships can help you to avoid burnout, exhaustion and even loneliness.

3. Listen!

It can be all too easy to "tune out" sometimes. Whether you're really focused and "in flow," or you're easily distracted by emails and other minor tasks, maybe you just aren't paying enough attention to the person who's talking to you. Whatever the case, you're not alone. It seems that most of us aren't great listeners. Indeed, research suggests that we remember between just 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear!

But listening is vital if you want to succeed at work. It can help you to take in information, learn from others, build relationships, and take direction. Active listening is one of the ways you can improve your ability to listen. It involves making a conscious effort to hear not only the words someone is saying, but the key messages that they are trying to express.

4. Know How to Work With Your Boss

If you're lucky, you'll have a boss that you respect, like and admire. If you're not so lucky, however, you may have one who, for whatever reason, you just don't "click" with. If this happens, it can have a significant impact on your happiness and your productivity.

Ultimately, the onus is on you to make the relationship work. Your boss will likely have several other people to manage, so their relationship with you may not always be at the top of their list. But it should be at the top of yours! Find out more about their preferred management style. Then, adapt your own working style to suit it. Do they like to receive information in person, or prefer email? How do they tend to handle bad news? Do they like to micromanage people or are they happy to delegate tasks?

Be the Best at Taking Initiative

When you take the initiative, you take control of your career. This might be as simple as learning to organize your workload effectively. Or, it could be more complex – for example, seeking out new opportunities and understanding the purpose behind the work you do. Here are some tips for doing this:

5. Prioritize Your Goals

With so many demands on your time, it's easy to get distracted and lose sight of your main goals. Start each day by prioritizing your To-Do List, and focusing your attention on the top three items. This will help you to manage your time effectively, and to concentrate on the objectives that matter the most. And, if you're really swamped, don't be afraid to ask for help, to delegate tasks, or even to say "no" sometimes.

6. Challenge Yourself

Feeling comfortable and confident in a job likely means that you're doing it well. But, if you're finding it all too easy, you may begin to feel bored and unfulfilled.

Sure, you could carry on and "coast" your way through. But this probably isn't going to get you very far in the long term. Instead, stay challenged by setting yourself some new goals. Learn a new skill, go on a training course, or ask your boss for more responsibility. Not only will you be pegged as a "self starter," you'll also get the chance to broaden your skills, and to engage in new ways of thinking. It may even open up opportunities to work on different projects and with different people.

7. Get out of Your "Comfort Zone"

Stepping outside of your comfort zone is – unsurprisingly – uncomfortable! You might feel exposed, or worry that you'll look stupid. However, if you avoid taking opportunities when they present themselves, you'll never know just how far you can go.

Yes, doing something new can be scary. It might also mean more pressure and more work. But, it can also push you to perform better. It can make you more resilient, give you the flexibility to take risks and cope with unexpected problems, and help you to overcome fear of failure.

8. Remember the Bigger Picture

Do you know why you do the work that you do? What's its purpose? Why is it meaningful to you? And how does it help the business to achieve its goals?

Understanding how the work that you do benefits your organization can improve your performance. It adds purpose to your work, helps you to prioritize your tasks more effectively, and enables you to identify tasks or areas of the business that can be made more efficient.

Be the Best Learner

It's never too late to learn a new skill. In fact, building up your knowledge and skills is often a lifetime pursuit. So, start your learning journey today by following these tips:

9. Build Expertise and Share It!

Having a specialized skill or excelling in a particular task can put you "in demand." Even more so if you have deep knowledge of a subject that is highly sought after – for instance, analytical thinking, creative thinking or resilience.

Being the "go-to" person for a particular task or topic can enhance your reputation and allow you to help others. It can also lead to opportunities to work on high-profile tasks, and may even result in promotion. But remember that building expertise takes dedication and resolve. So, be prepared to put the time in!

10. Know Your Stuff

Rapid advances in technology, along with global political and financial developments, mean that change is fast-paced and unpredictable. And, if you don't make an effort to keep up with these changes, it can result in missed opportunities or getting left behind.

Combat this by making it a priority to stay up-to-date with your industry. Join a trade organization, attend trade shows or conferences, read blogs, and connect with industry leaders and colleagues on social media sites like LinkedIn or Twitter.

11. Set Aside Time for "Deep Work"

We live in an age of distractions. Email, social media, instant messaging, office politics, unnecessary meetings… even the weather! All of these things can cause you to lose focus on the tasks that really matter. In fact, some studies suggest that knowledge workers lose up to three hours a day because of distractions. And this can cost businesses 14 to 15 times more than absenteeism due to health-related issues.

Sure, it might be hard to ignore the 150 WhatsApp messages that you've just received. But, if you really want to produce quality work, you and your phone will need to part ways (temporarily at least). This is where "deep work" can help. It involves pushing distractions to one side, and giving yourself the time and space to really focus on challenging and complicated tasks. This has a number of benefits. For example, it can help you to build expertise and knowledge, and give you a greater sense of fulfillment and achievement.

Be the Best Professional

What qualities make you a true professional? Is it the way you dress? Your charismatic charm? Or, is it your ability to learn from your mistakes? Take a look at our tips on what it takes to be the ultimate professional:

12. Make Mistakes (and Learn From Them)

We've all had that sudden sinking feeling when we realize that we've made a mistake. But it's how you handle these "bloopers" that really matters. Do you, for instance, tend to "run for the hills" and hope that no one notices? Pass the blame onto someone else? Or, do you "fess up" and do your best to remedy the situation?

It can be hard to swallow your pride and take ownership of the mistakes that you make. But, it is only by doing this that you will ultimately learn from them.

13. Ask for Feedback and Use It!

It can be difficult to hear criticism, particularly when it's unexpected. But, if you don't get any feedback at all, you may begin to wonder whether your work is valued or even noticed.

Why not take the initiative? Ask for feedback from managers and colleagues. Not only will you be seen as a proactive member of the team, but the advice and insight that they provide will likely help you to improve your performance, too.

14. Protect Your Professional Reputation

Your reputation is what you're known for. It encompasses your personality, your skills, your values, and your temperament.

It can take time and effort to build up a good reputation, but just moments to destroy it. This means that you need to put the work in if you want to protect and maintain it. Do this by carrying out a personal SWOT analysis to assess your skills, and to create a plan for developing the professional traits and abilities that you want to be known for.

Be the Best Leader

You don't have to be a manager to be a leader. And, in fact, many businesses want people to demonstrate leadership skills, even if they're in a junior role. So, why not tap into your leadership potential today by following the tips, below:

15. Develop Leadership Skills

One of the major "pain points" for businesses is the lack of leadership skills among their employees – even those who are in senior or highly technical roles. Research shows that the best and most successful leaders are those who encourage learning and listen to feedback and ideas. And that this, in turn, can help teams to become more resilient and effective.

So, if you've set your sights on a promotion, why wait? Start preparing today by broadening your skill set to include listening, empathy, problem solving, and negotiation. And acquaint yourself with different leadership styles, such as Transformational Leadership, Action Centered Leadership and Adaptive Leadership.

16. Get Yourself Noticed

Have you ever completed a piece of work that you were really proud of, only for it to go unnoticed?

Feeling as though your work isn't valued or even acknowledged can be deeply demoralizing and frustrating. But, there are ways you can improve your visibility at work. Building a strong network of allies, for instance, can help, as can tracking your accomplishments, taking on additional responsibilities, or finding a mentor or coach whom you respect and who can help you develop your skills and career.

Be the Best You

Wherever your career takes you, and whatever role or organization you find yourself in, the one constant will be you. So, cherish your uniqueness, stand up for your values and beliefs, and always be yourself! The following tips can help you to do just that:

17. Learn How to Cope With Stress

It can be easy to get caught up in negative thoughts sometimes, particularly if you've made a mistake, received some poor feedback, or work in a high-pressure job. But, real problems can occur if you allow these thoughts to take over, such as low self-confidence, poor self-esteem, or even depression and anxiety. All of these things can impact your productivity and performance – setting the whole cycle in motion once again.

Remember that setbacks and stress are a part of everyone's life. You can either crumple under the pressure or find strategies to help you cope. These could include mindfulness, affirmations or cognitive restructuring.

Most of all, know when to stop. It can be hard to switch off, particularly when you're surrounded by "always on" devices, like smartphones or tablets. But learning how to relax – really relax – will help you to recharge, stay calm and avoid burnout.

18. Be Yourself

Pretending to be someone else or being a "yes man" (or woman) can be exhausting, confining and demoralizing. It can also hold you back from reaching your true potential. But, when you stay true to yourself and your values, you'll find that you can express your thoughts and ideas much more clearly and confidently. And you'll have a reputation for integrity that will earn the trust and respect of your peers.

Yes, it may sometimes mean "going against the grain" or taking the harder road. But it also allows you to live a more authentic and, ultimately, more rewarding life.

Related Resources

If you want to delve deeper into some of the topics we've discussed in this blog, check out our list of recommended related resources below (please note, to access some resources in full you'll need to be a Mind Tools member):

How Self-Motivated Are You?
Managing Your Career
The Power of Good Habits
Developing a Career Strategy
Pink's Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose Framework
What You're Really Meant to Do, with Robert Steven Kaplan
Plan Your Career From Here
Working With Purpose
What Are Your Values?
Job Crafting

About the Author:

Senior Editor Lucy Bishop started her working life selling ice cream in a theme park. She now heads up the video learning team at Mind Tools, and gets involved at every stage – from writing and editing scripts, to auditioning actors, to running filming days. Lucy’s a committed member of our neurodiversity panel, where she helps Mind Tools to reflect and support all forms of neurodivergence. She’s also fascinated by new technology and is currently learning about AI – especially its impact on learners. Her favorite advice is, “Before asking someone else to fix something for you, see if you can learn to do it yourself.”  

The post 18 Ways to Be the Best You Can Be appeared first on Mind Tools.

Then it's time to reflect on your efforts, enjoy the rewards and be happy. But it's not always so straightforward.

At this time of year, we're constantly reminded how important and powerful big goals are. We're told that success is just a SMART Goal or Stretch Goal away.

Indeed, it is our hopes, dreams and aspirations that keep us going. They give us something to focus on and work toward.

But sometimes, our goals are so big that they become overwhelming. We don't know where to start, or lose our way further along the path. And not achieving the unachievable seems like a failure.

Right now, a year into the coronavirus pandemic, so many people's goals are on hold or cancelled outright. Let's face it, over the painful past 12 months, just getting through the day has seemed achievement enough.

Are Your Goals Still Relevant?

We've been forced to reassess what is important in life, and whether our goals are still what we want to achieve, anyway.

I've just finished reading "Atomic Habits" by James Clear, and it made me think differently about goals, habits, self-improvement, and success.

The author says that habits are the brain's way of coping with information overload in new and stressful situations. The brain uses the trial-and-error method of testing varied solutions to a problem, and when it finds one that works, it sticks with it. "If this, then that."

The theory is, each time that we're faced with a tricky situation (known as the cue), our brain will remember what satisfied it last time (craving), and tell us what behavior to perform (response) to solve the problem or relieve the stress (reward) this time.

Our reactions become more automatic through repetition, freeing up energy for new, difficult or creative challenges to come. Clear says that we ingrain well-practiced behaviors until they become part of our identity, "like roots from a tree."

Nurture Your Goals Like a Seed!

However, such habits can be unhealthy. And changing bad habits can be difficult, like uprooting a strong oak tree! Equally, planting new habits is like nurturing a new seed or plant shoot. We might not see the results on the surface for a long time, but eventually our habit can grow and blossom into something amazing!

What I found inspiring in the book was the reminder that small, incremental, positive changes are what lead to success in the long term.

Often, we give up too soon. We don't see enough improvement in our efforts, or it feels difficult and uncomfortable. But just one percent improvement each day, while barely noticeable at the time, adds up to a huge improvement over the course of a year.

Start with a minute a day of a new activity, until you have a habit you hardly notice. Then add just one extra minute a day each week and, before you know it, you'll have created a solid practice with minimal effort.

The book also taught me how to choose and design habits that I am more likely to stick to. The author advises we make any hoped-for habit obvious, easy, attractive, and satisfying.

Reward Yourself for Sticking to Your Plan!

For example, would you like to read more books? Make it obvious and easy by putting the book you're going to read next to your bed or couch. Also, frame your habit in a positive way to incentivize you, or by linking it to another attractive activity, such as joining a book club. And reward yourself for sticking to it: whenever you finish a book, treat yourself to something you enjoy, even if that’s another book!

Clear also advises that we create habits around our natural abilities, preferences and strengths. That way, we're more likely to succeed.

For example, if you love swimming, but you find jogging a chore, don't choose running a marathon as your goal! Make your goal a swimming one. And you can design your career, and wider life goals, in a similar way.

Get to know and understand yourself well, and craft your own path to success accordingly. Ask yourself, "Who do I want to be? What kind of partner or colleague? What kind of leader or friend?"

What small habits can you start creating today to get you on the road to your version of happiness? Let us know, below.

Let Mind Tools Help You to Achieve your Goals!

You can download a FREE copy of the Mind Tools 2021 Life Plan when you subscribe to the Mind Tools Club!

Our Life Plan workbook has helped thousands of people to achieve their personal and career goals since its first edition was published more than a decade ago.

But hurry! Time is running out to get your free copy. The offer ends on Thursday, January 7, 2021. Existing Club members and corporate licensees will be eligible for a free copy too, and anyone can buy their own in the Mind Tools Store for $29.99/£23.00.

The post Goals, Habits and Small Steps to Self-Improvement appeared first on Mind Tools.

With the team locker room looking like a field hospital, Pacino delivered the kind of speeches that made his bloodied, battered players ready to die for him:

"You find out life's this game of inches; so is football. Because in either game – life or football – the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early, and you don't quite make it."

As he said, "I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch, because that's what living is." The hard yards. And he had counsel for bosses everywhere: "That's what a leader's about: sacrifice. The times he's gotta sacrifice because he's gotta lead, by example. Not by fear and not by self-pity."

These maxims don't just apply to American Football. In sports, in life, at work – getting, being and staying motivated is fundamental to success, however you define it. It's fundamental to happiness, too.

Quitters Never Win

Sports provide an avalanche of reasons why you should get your metaphorical pads on, your head down, and smash into life. What have you got to lose? New York Jets quarterback, Joe Namath, had a question we can all ask ourselves: "If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?"

Storied Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi surely had it right, too, when he said, "Winners never quit, and quitters never win." Or, as the Sultan of Swat, baseball hero Babe Ruth put it, "It's hard to beat a person who never gives up." Ain't that the truth.

So, which one are you? Los Angeles Dodgers manager, Tommy Lasorda, had people divided into three camps: "Those who make it happen, those who watch it happen, and those who wonder what happened." Harsh, but fair. And funny.

Opportunities in Sports and in Life

One of my favorite advertisements of all time features Michael Jordan shooting hoops in the gym on his own and missing everything from everywhere. Cut to the tagline, "I've failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

As basketball coach, player, and broadcaster Jim Valvano put it, "Failure and rejection are only the first step to succeeding."

How you respond to setbacks is vital. And no one responded like the Manassa Mauler, Jack Dempsey. He came up the hard way, and he wasn't going back.

Before his post-World War I heyday, the heavyweight king of the ring was so poor he rode the rails tied underneath the train. No surprise, then, he knew what it took: "A champion is someone who gets up when he can't." Beautiful.

Life is also about making the most of your opportunities. Ice hockey superstar Wayne Gretzky made sure he did. "You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take," he said. Well, I guess you can't argue with that.

Sporting Luck or Hard Work?

Excuses? Left it too late? Here's a gentle reminder from Tom Landry, who was Dallas Cowboys coach for 29 years: "Today, you have 100 percent of your life left." You do the math.

Tim Notke was "only" a high school basketball coach. But he was an NBA MVP when it came to motivation: "Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard."

Hall of Fame college football coach Lou Holtz added another ingredient into the prosperity pie: "Without self-discipline, success is impossible, period."

And attitude was always part of tennis legend Martina Navratilova's recipe: "Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost." They probably did.

Or how about this serve and volley from sports phenomenon Serena Williams: "Overpower. Overtake. Overcome." Not one mention of luck. Well, not unless you're golf great Gary Player, who found that "the harder I work, the luckier I get."

Trample Fear Beneath Your Feet

Bobby Unser won the Indianapolis 500 three times. He was driven by the motto, "Success is where preparation and opportunity meet."

Mario Andretti is one of only two drivers, along with fellow American Dan Gurney, to have won races in Formula One, IndyCar, World Sportscar Championship, and NASCAR. The quiet life was never something he wanted: "If you have everything under control, you're not moving fast enough."

You have to be brave, too: "He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life." Muhammad Ali wasn't The Greatest for nothing.

And never think about getting in Nadia Comaneci's way. The Romanian gymnast won five Olympic golds, getting a fistful of perfect 10s along the way. She declared, "I don't run away from a challenge because I am afraid. Instead, I run toward it because the only way to escape fear is to trample it beneath your feet."

These people are good, but Shakespeare wrote the book. "To be or not to be: that is the question." Write your own happy ending.

More (Non-Sports) Resources

For more inspiration and practical tips, see Mind Tools' toolkits for motivating yourself and motivating your team.

How do you get motivated for Monday morning? What sayings or quotes have guided your life? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

The post Any Given Monday – Sports and the Modern Workplace appeared first on Mind Tools.

"I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it."

Pablo Picasso, artist

About This Week's Chat

One of my earliest memories of doing before learning is of baking scones when I was about 10 years old. I wanted to bake them to surprise my mother when she returned home.

I always sat at the kitchen table when my mom baked, and I had observed her process numerous times. How she always used a recipe book, how she got all the ingredients and utensils out on the table first, and how she always followed the recipe meticulously. I could vouch for the results... beautiful!

There were a few things I didn't know, though. I struggled to cut the butter into the flour. And I didn't know that you shouldn't handle the dough with your hands too much once you'd added the baking powder. However, I knew exactly how to roll out the dough and use a cookie cutter to cut the scones, because my mom had already taught me.

Try New Things

By the time my mom arrived home, the smell of freshly baked scones welcomed her into the kitchen. They were baked to golden brown perfection – flat, as a result of overhandling the dough, but they tasted OK.

My mom sweetly praised me for my attempt, rather than scolding me for the state of the kitchen (which was a surprise, as it looked like a tornado had just blown through it!). That night at the table, she told my dad how proud she was, and what a good job I'd done. I couldn't have been more pleased.

Over time, she taught me the finer tricks of baking and cooking. Today, I'm proud to say that I really know my way around the kitchen, and I'm still keen to experiment and try new things.

Have my attempts and endeavors always been successful? I wish! Some of my kitchen disasters were of such proportions that even the dogs wanted nothing to do with them. My gardening flops didn't live to see another season. And my DIY disasters contributed to a healthy bank balance for the contractors who had to come to my rescue.

Learn as You Go

But my propensity for doing before learning still stands me in good stead. Whatever computer program or application I have to learn, I do so by simply starting to use it. I do, learn, improve.

I learn as I go on, and I've often been able to help others because I've been through the process of learning from beginning to end. Do I regret that I tend to do first and learn later? Generally, I don't, but some of my failed projects have worked out rather expensively.

What I discovered from those was the wisdom to know when it's OK to do and then learn, and when it's probably better to learn and then do!

Do. Learn. Improve.

During our #MTtalk Twitter chat this week, we discussed the value of a do, learn, improve approach. Here are the questions we asked, and some of your responses:

Q1: What does "learning by doing" mean to you?

@kkopacz1 "Learning by doing" is a hands-on approach to learning, meaning students must interact with their environment in order to adapt and learn.

@thevijaymahajan Learning by doing enables practical involvement of people, both physically and mentally. People won't get bored as it is realistic and makes learning more user-friendly. It enables one to discover more.

Q2: What are the advantages and disadvantages of "learning by doing"?

@LernChance Advantages: there are things you only can learn by doing them. Like bike riding or falling in love. You can't "teach" these things. Disadvantages: tasks that require a basic knowledge before doing them. They can't be learned just doing.

@TheCraigKaye Advantage: learning becomes intrinsic. Maybe risky in some workplaces such as construction and safeguarding.

Q3: Give an example of when you successfully learned something by doing, and what impact that had.

@NWarind Charity! Either you donate time or money, the respect you receive as a payback is worth every second or penny.

@BrainBlenderTec I build tech so it's always learning what doesn't work & what does. Also, it's hard to learn how to dance if you don't take a step.

Q4: Give an example of when you failed to learn something by doing, and what impact that had.

@MarkC_Avgi I don't think I ever failed to learn something by doing. Even if I failed at what I was doing, I learned from that failure & gained that knowledge for the next attempt at what I was doing again or, perhaps, applied it to something else.

@Midgie_MT The example that comes to mind is when I experienced a problem with my printer. It no longer was responding to my computer and I tried everything I could think of! The result was lots of frustration and finally reaching out asking for help!

Q5: In what situation would "jumping in" not be the best approach?

@PmTwee Without prior knowledge and not understanding the situation, "jumping in" is not advisable.

@harrisonia If you can't swim, don't jump into the water to save somebody – especially if they're heavier than you!

Q6: How can you minimize the risks of "learning by doing"?

@CaptRajeshwar The army trains very hard in times of peace to ensure less fatalities in operational situations.

@SanabriaJav Having a mentor who you can ask a lot of questions can mitigate the risks of learning by doing.

Q7: How can you best reflect on what you've learned?

@PG_pmp By sharing what you've learned, and guiding others.

@carriemaslen After your accomplishments (no matter the outcome), ask yourself & others: What worked that I should do more of? What didn't work that I should change or stop doing?

Q8: Can anything and everything be learned by doing? Why?

@kkopacz1 No. You wouldn't want a surgeon operating on you without a degree!

@Yolande_MT Some things might not have disastrous consequences, but it could slow down a project or negatively impact on a team goal.

Q9: How happy are you with your team learning in this way?

@MicheleDD_MT I encourage experiential learning as an element of a development plan. If the task is not too complex and the risk is managed, it is a terrific way to build confidence & grow skills.

Q10: How can we complete the loop – do, learn and improve?

@harrisonia To complete the loop of doing, learning, and improving we should: document our progress, share best practices, seek efficient methods, and solicit feedback from team members and leaders.

@Midgie_MT We can complete the loop by reviewing the actions we took to determine whether we can do things better the next time.

To read all the tweets on our do, learn, improve topic, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat here.

Coming Up

It's easy to make assumptions about other people's behavior. It's just as easy to jump to conclusions about their motives, based on your perception of their behavior. The topic of our next #MTtalk chat is, "What's Your Motive?". We're going to discuss how to examine and be honest about our own motives.

In our Twitter poll this week we'd like to know why you "second guess" some people's motives. Please cast your vote here.

Resources

In the meantime, here are some resources relating to the topic we discussed this time:

(Please note: Club and Premium Club members can enjoy instant access to these resources. Non-members may find access to some of them is restricted.)

Action Learning Sets
Gagne's Nine Levels of Learning
How to Learn From Your Mistakes
Learning Curves
Engaging People in Learning
Gibbs' Reflective Cycle
Case Study-Based Learning
Coaching With Feedback

The post Do. Learn. Improve. – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

"Did you hear Rick got another promotion?"
"Seriously? I mean, I'm happy for the guy, but how come he got one and I didn't? We basically do the same job!"

It's that time again. No, I don't mean Christmas. It's performance review time! ’Tis the season of promotions, salary increases, and juicy end-of-year bonuses.

But it's also the time for jealousy to rear its ugly head. News of people's latest pay bumps could be met by some with envy or resentment.

We all want to be successful in our careers. But what happens when our achievements come at the expense of important friendships? If your friends and co-workers didn't receive the rewards they were hoping for, your success can make them feel like they've been "left in the dust."

But does that mean that we shouldn't enjoy our achievements in case we offend someone? Or that we should feel ashamed for being successful when others aren't?

Don't Give In to the Guilt Trip

Those of us who value friendship and close working relationships might feel guilty for achieving more than our peers. But we deserve our successes, and nothing should take away from that. Jealousy is only natural, but it's often irrational, too. Your success is probably unrelated to your friends' career progress, so you shouldn't feel bad about achieving your goals.

Also, be mindful of people playing the victim. There may have been a very good reason why your co-worker didn't get a promotion, but she's choosing not to tell you in an attempt to protect her ego.

If your co-worker's negative behavior persists, don’t be afraid to distance yourself from her. You are not responsible for her shortcomings, and nor should she judge you harshly for furthering your career. This sort of negativity can hold you back from further career development, so know when to cut your ties with those who don't have your best interests at heart.

Don't Brag About Your Win!

On the other hand, your friends may be highly supportive of your recent success while masking their real feelings. They could be jealous, angry or sad that they are not progressing at the same rate. So, be careful not to brag. It's a thin line between pride and arrogance, and by overstepping the mark, you risk isolating yourself from a vital support network.

Next time you want to boast about your end-of-year win, healthy paycheck, or swanky new office, consider your audience. Maybe your friends narrowly missed out on a promotion, or budget cuts meant they didn't get the bonus they were expecting. Just because your career is on an upward trajectory, doesn't mean that's the case for everyone.

Invest in Relationships

Perhaps a step forward in your career has meant that you don't spend as much time with your friends as you used to. If you've changed department or moved to a new office, take the time to stay in touch with old contacts. Chances are, in the build-up to your success you’ve built strong relationships along the way. Don’t let that hard work go to waste by losing contact.

Further success depends as much on the company you keep as it does on your work. In an article for Forbes, enterpreneurship consultant Serenity Gibbons argues that keeping your friends can help you to make progress, because they offer motivation, support and perspective. And you never know, your friends' success may be just around the corner. Keeping them as allies could benefit your career in the long run.

Apparently, it's lonely at the top – even Steve Jobs thought so. It is human nature to want to belong, but achieving success can separate you from the pack. It doesn't have to be that way. If you're willing to put in the effort to preserve the relationships that mean the most to you, it is entirely possible to win at work and keep your friends, too.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

But what if the boot is on the other foot? You're trying your best at work, but your efforts haven't been reflected in your end-of-year review. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, your pal over in Finance tells you that he's been made a Senior Executive, with great benefits to boot. You know that you should feel happy for him; he deserves it. But you also resent his success.

Don't be bitter. It's natural to compare yourself to others, but it can create unhealthy competition. You may start to feel like you're falling behind. Sometimes, career progression is beyond your control, especially when strict budgets or economic instability come into play. Instead, separate your friend's big win from your own progress, and support their achievements. You might even be able to learn from their success, and apply these lessons to your own career.

Remember that big wins come down to the individual. Enjoy your accomplishments and those of your peers. But, don't pit yourself against one another. Everyone's career success is their own.

The post How to Win at Work, and Keep Your Friends, Too! appeared first on Mind Tools.

You might think that your current level of success is based on your innate abilities. Or that it reflects your determination to work hard and keep learning.

According to Carol S. Dweck, the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, you have a "fixed mindset" if you rely on your talent but a "growth mindset" if you favor dogged persistence in pursuit of continued success.

These mindsets also define your response to the failure that we all experience from time to time. Fixed mindset people see failure only as negative, while those with a growth mindset realize that their performance can be improved – and that learning comes from failure.

A philosophy that says, "There are only two types of people in the world," has wider implications for such qualities as self-belief, self-awareness and general self-development. Its logical conclusion is that those with a growth mindset will live a less stressful and, ultimately, more successful life.

Dweck's work encourages us to praise our children with such growth-mindset-creating phrases as "good job, you worked really hard," rather than, "good job, you're smart," which would lead to a fixed mindset. The suggestion is that it's possible to encourage learners to persevere, despite difficulties, through thinking about learning in a less "pass/fail" way.

The idea is to inspire us with a love of learning. It also reinforces what has, for many years, been called the "Protestant work ethic" in Western society. Embracing this approach should motivate us to greater productivity and achievement in our chosen field – be it business, education, the arts, or sport.

Dweck's is a highly attractive – and commendable – philosophy, backed up by some two decades of research. It adds a great deal of legitimacy to the view that intelligence and personality can be developed, rather than being unchanging, ingrained traits. It also appeals intuitively to the majority of us who realize just how much we don't know about our chosen skillset and the challenge we face if we are to become competent.

Yet it still doesn't adequately address the human condition in every society.

Some people are going to be successful whatever mindset they adopt or develop. Similarly, others are going to unsuccessful.

For one thing, no society in the world is truly egalitarian or meritocratic. People still get top jobs because of who they are, who they know, who their parents know, being in the right place at the right time, and so on. Their success doesn't necessarily have anything to do with their attitude toward learning.

Only a tiny number of people can ever be, say, president of the U.S. or a member of the British royal family, whatever their mindset. In the Middle Ages, a mere 250,000 or so people owned at least 80 percent of all Europe's resources – and this proportion hasn't changed markedly in the succeeding centuries.

So, regardless of how open to learning we may be and how hard we work at developing ourselves, the implied "success" of those espousing the growth mindset can only be relative, at best.

It was the economist Vilfredo Pareto who observed, in 1906, that 20 percent of the Italian people owned 80 percent of their country's wealth. Subsequent studies show that this 80/20 rule, or the Pareto Principle, applies to lots of aspects of life.

This principle suggests that, while 80 percent of those with a growth mindset will get the chance to live a successful, low-stress life, the other 20 percent of people with this mindset won't achieve such a nirvana, for one reason or another. Similarly, maybe 80 percent of those with a fixed mindset will be unsuccessful but 20 percent might still succeed. According to Dweck's model, that 20 percent are very lucky indeed!

The post Pareto, Dweck and the Harsh Realities of Life appeared first on Mind Tools.

"I've worked in a lot of high-achieving environments, from Yale to Stanford, Silicon Valley, New York City, and I noticed too many people pursuing success at a cost to themselves," she told me in our Expert Interview.

"They were, in effect, postponing their own happiness now in pursuit of success, with the idea that, when they attained success, they would be happy… But, when I looked at the research, I saw that, overwhelmingly, happiness is actually the secret to success."

Happiness Springs From Wellbeing

"If you prioritize your own wellbeing, you'll actually be more productive, creative, resilient, energized, charismatic, and influential. You'll have more willpower and be more focused, with less effort."

In her book, "The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success," Seppälä, who is a Yale lecturer and Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, takes six other assumptions and turns them on their heads.

We should focus on our to-do list, always looking ahead to the next task, right? Not according to Seppälä. She says we should live or work in the moment instead.

Likewise, some people believe you can't have success without stress. Not true, Seppälä says. By tapping into your resilience, you can reduce stress and thrive in the face of difficulties and challenges.

The other four assumptions and their inverted selves are aimed at managing energy better and generally being kinder to ourselves and others. Number five advocates "self-compassion."

Self-Compassion Not Self-Criticism

"Many of us think that self-criticism is the road to self-improvement, that we have to be our own worst critic, because that's the best way to really become better at what we need to do," Seppälä explains.

"But research is showing that self-criticism is basically a way to self-sabotage, and it's not something that we're aware of, but research shows that if you are self-critical you're less likely to be resilient in the face of challenge. You're less likely to bounce back in the face of failure."

Being kinder to ourselves sounds very appealing. But how does it work in practice?

"It involves treating yourself as you would a friend," Seppälä says simply. "For example, if a friend fails or makes a mistake, you're not going to beat up on them. Presumably, you're going to tell them, ‘You know, everyone makes mistakes. It's normal. It's no big deal. You're fine,’ etc. That's a self-compassionate approach."

She continues: "Research shows that, if you are more self-compassionate, you're actually going to be not only psychologically much better off, happier, less anxious, but also much more productive, much more resilient, much more able to perform at your highest and at your best, and to have better relationships with other people altogether."

Compassion Is the Mother of Happiness

Part of building better relationships with others is to treat them with compassion too. Seppälä's sixth myth of success is that we must always look after Number One. In her experience, looking out for others delivers better results.

"At work, especially, we're having less and less human moments," she reflects. "We're treating each other more like automatons: the idea that you get your stuff done, I'll get my stuff done.

"But… really understanding and being there for people, giving them a break when things are difficult, and applying compassion around you is going to lead to tremendous results. Not only for your wellbeing, your health, your happiness, and even your longevity, research shows, but also you're creating a better world for everyone around you. And ironically, the results are that you will be more successful. That's what research shows."

In this audio clip from our Expert Interview, Seppälä shares her advice on becoming more compassionate.

Recommended Reading

Discover more advice and guidance on how to be happier with our recommended resources:

Ben-Shahar's Happiness Model

Wellbeing Practical Tips Video

Mindfulness in the Workplace

Self-Sabotage

Developing Resilience

How to Be Happy Using the GREAT DREAM Model

How to Turn Negative Thoughts Into Positive Actions

7 Ways to Keep Going When You Want to Give Up

About the Expert:

Emma Seppälä is a best-selling author, Yale lecturer, and international keynote speaker. She teaches executives at the Yale School of Management and is faculty director of the Yale School of Management’s Women’s Leadership Program.

A psychologist and research scientist by training, her expertise is the science of happiness, emotional intelligence, and social connection. Her best-selling book The Happiness Track has been translated into dozens of languages. Seppälä is also the Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education.

The post Find Happiness: Turn Off the Negative Self-Talk appeared first on Mind Tools.

Pitching articles to magazines and newspapers can be tough. Sometimes I get a great response but, other times, my emails are met with radio silence or a brief "thanks, but no thanks."

Similarly, writing my book has been an exercise in hitting brick walls. About a dozen publishers turned it down on my first attempt to get a deal. Rejection can be demoralizing and I found myself wanting to "throw in the towel." But then I realized I had a choice: to give up completely or rework the book into something a publisher will want to go for.

I've come to understand that writing is a process of trial and error. I've learned a lot from the email pitches that never turned into features and all the times the publishers turned me down – and I'm confident all that learning will pay off in the future.

That's why the message of "Fail Better," by Anjali Sastry and Kara Penn, really hit home. Failure is inevitable but, if we can embrace it and learn from our mistakes, we'll get progressively closer to our goals. And if we can plan our projects in a way that generates small, low-impact failures that give us valuable information we can build on, we'll succeed faster.

It's about testing the waters, with prototypes, mock-ups or trials. It's about experimenting until we get it right.

In this clip from our review of this book, we hear how the design and consulting firm IDEO applied this idea.

The authors' suggestions on experimentation or their tips on trying out a new product or service with a focus group are nothing new, of course, but I found the reminder really useful. Who's our audience? And how can our audience help us refine what we're offering so it hits the mark? I've been planning on inviting a group of female friends to my house for a long time now to brainstorm ideas for my book, which is about women and our choices around careers and motherhood. What would they want to read? What topics would they like me to cover? And I'm hoping to organize a pilot workshop for some corporate training I'm doing around strengths and self-awareness.

Feedback is invaluable – provided it's delivered in the right way, of course, which is why the authors' tips on how to give meaningful feedback are also helpful. Managers need strong relationships with their employees as well as an understanding of what makes each individual tick – what are their goals and aspirations? What's important or meaningful to them about their work? I know what it's like to work in a busy company where everyone's struggling to stay on top of daily tasks and where there's no time to find out about how people are feeling or where they're heading. But I think it's important to ask these questions – they could make the difference between people jumping ship or sticking around.

I also liked the authors' tips on embedding learning by having a system in place to analyze what worked and what didn't. But this part of the book also made me smile, because I know how hard it can be to put time aside to take stock of a project once it's completed, before moving straight on to the next one, particularly in a large organization where money is tight or deadlines loom.

It's tempting to think that making a mental note of what went wrong or jotting a few thoughts down on paper is enough to avoid repeating the same mistakes, but I agree with the authors that a thorough analysis of the past is the best way forward, both in business and in our personal life.

I know I'm guilty of holding my head in my hands, groaning as I wonder how on earth I made the same mistake again. But I do that less often these days, precisely because I take time to explore what happened and understand what went wrong, so I don’t repeat the same patterns. My own personal system of stocktaking isn’t as structured or rigorous as the authors' model, but it's serving me well.

"Fail Better" is a great read for anyone who wants to learn from past mistakes and use their failures as stepping stones to success. It's particularly relevant in today's business climate in which organizations must innovate in order to compete, because it's almost impossible to have innovation without some failure. This book will show readers that failure is nothing to be scared of – in fact, it's something to be embraced.

In what ways can you experiment with a new product or service so you make small, reversible errors that pave the way to success? Join in the discussion below!

The post How to Fail Faster and Better appeared first on Mind Tools.

It felt a little bit like a Hollywood publicity drive, when actors are parked in high-end hotels to give interview after interview about their latest movie. It’s not a bad analogy for  McDermott – a glamorous celebrity CEO, with a good story to tell.

He was publicizing his new book, “Winners Dream” – half memoir, half leadership manual, written with candor and charm.

McDermott’s charisma is all the more apparent in person. He is courteous and self-effacing, with a steely glint that reveals itself at unexpected moments. A subtle, Long Island twang adds interest to his softly modulated voice, reminding us of his roots.

McDermott’s journey from working-class teenager to CEO of the world’s largest business software company, SAP, is inspiring. He was still in high school when he bought and ran a local deli, learning fast how to build customer loyalty. After selling that business, he spent 17 years working for Xerox, always with his eye on the top job.

Having become the company’s youngest-ever corporate officer, McDermott left Xerox to take up senior executive roles at Siebel Systems and Gartner Inc., moving to SAP in 2002 where he was named president of its American business unit. He became SAP's co-CEO in 2010 and sole CEO in May 2014.

He told me that some of his most useful business lessons were learned as a teenage entrepreneur.

“I went into a small deli that was perfectly positioned between two very large commercial entities that were much bigger, much richer, and much more capable than my little store,” he recalls. “I started discounting things to put loss leaders like cheap milk and bread and things that people regularly use at the lowest possible price, and of course my competition immediately mimicked that and nearly put me out of business.”

McDermott quickly realized that he could never compete on price. So, he decided to compete on customer service instead. Step one: understand your customer. Step two: give them what they want.

“At that time my base was senior citizens who lived about two blocks away and preferred not to leave their home, so we delivered. We had blue-collar workers who were very loyal. They liked to have their food, cigarettes and beer, but by Friday after they were paid it didn’t last very long, because they’d come in Sunday morning pretty broke. So I gave them credit.

“Then there were the high-school students. One day, I was down at my competition and I saw that they were lining kids up about 40 at a time outside the building and only letting them in four at a time. I asked the kids, 'Why are you waiting in line? How can I get you to come a block down to my store?' And they told me, 'Well I guess they think we’re going to take things.’ And I said, 'Don’t worry about all that, you come down to my store.' And I let them in 40 at a time.”

The kids didn’t steal from him – when they felt like shoplifting, they went to the 7-Eleven. McDermott’s deli was a success, serving the community and teaching him lessons that have stayed with him to this day.

The title of McDermott’s book refers to his belief that a dream can propel you to success. His story shows that having a dream can indeed be a powerful motivator. But an ability to think into and around a problem, so that your solutions really fit, is another characteristic of winners. McDermott amply demonstrated this at the deli – and at other points in his career, too.

As a team leader at Xerox, McDermott successfully applied the idea of ‘discretionary effort’. When his team members hit or surpassed their targets, they were encouraged to spend time helping other team members who were missing theirs. In this audio clip from our Expert Interview, he explains the benefits of this approach.

Listen to the full interview ¦ Install Flash Player.

These are first-hand tips from a winner, and there are more in “Winners Dream.” Listen to the full Expert Interview with Bill McDermott here, to hear his story in his own words.

Question: What are your top tips for a successful career? How far can a dream carry you?

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