As human beings, we are meaning-making beings and one of the ways we make meaning is by "story making." How do we do that? We experience many moments and events, and we "make stories" by connecting the dots between the events.

Most of us have asked someone, "Have you heard the story of (the good wolf and the bad wolf)?" Or, when wanting to relate something more personal, we ask something like, "Have I told you the story of the time... I missed my flight because I was head-over-heels in love?" (True story, by the way!)

If you had a funny or special experience you might ask the people you were with, "Do you remember the day we...?" Then you retell the story to one another, filling in one another's blanks, reminding each other of nuances and detail that might have been forgotten. And you laugh or shake your head in disbelief over it again.

In retelling one another the story, you work together to acknowledge and witness the bond that the shared experience created.

We name things that have some importance – and we name our stories too. Sometimes it reflects characters in a tale, a lesson, place, or a process or journey. Think of names like "Tuesdays with Morrie" or "The Midnight Library."

Often, we don't consciously name our life stories or even parts of them, but they become part of our identity – and may even become a dominant narrative in our life. My story with Mind Tools forms an important part of mine and has shaped me in many wonderful ways.

What's My Story With Mind Tools?

One evening in July 2007, I was searching for material on the internet to help me deal with a difficult situation with an employee. One of the sites I was directed to was Mind Tools. I was immediately excited about the wealth of information on the site, and about what was then known as the Forums. And I was so happy to have found a place where I could ask questions in a safe space that I became a subscriber that instant.

I regularly participated in the Forums and almost exactly a year later, the then Forum Manager asked me if I'd like to become part of the Forums team. Funny, I still remember exactly where I was when I read the email: in a very remote part of South Africa where, by some fluke, I happened to get a mobile phone signal for a few minutes.

I was about to embark on a seven-day safari and knew I had to respond before going off into the bush. So, I sent a very eloquent email from my Blackberry (remember those?) saying, "Yes, please! About to lose signal for the next seven days, chat next week."

Comfort Arrived in the Midst of Chaos

So started a long and cherished relationship with Mind Tools, its founders, James and Rachel Manktelow, and many other leaders and colleagues.

From the first day, there was a trust relationship. Even though we'd never met in person at the time, and I was in South Africa and they were in the U.K., they trusted that I'd worked the hours that I billed. And I trusted that they'd pay me! (That trust relationship always remained intact, even though the organization changed hands more than once during my tenure.)

The year 2009 was a chaotic one for me. I got divorced, moved to another city, lost my dogs, and had to move house twice. I also had to find a way to support myself after moving, all while I was in the second year of my studies.

It was also the first time that I really experienced how the Mind Tools team supported one of their own. Even though I was the smallest cog in the machine and lived thousands of miles away. My then manager, Dianna Podmoroff, even offered to have virtual "water cooler chats" (I didn't even know what that meant, it wasn't a thing in South Africa) to give me a safe space to talk.

Even though my role was small at the time, Mind Tools was the one stable element in my life, and it gave me purpose. Even though it was "work," it was also a place where I could be, and breathe, witness others' stories, and help them write new endings.

And Then I Met Them!

In July 2014, after Dianna's departure, I became the Community Manager. I remarried in 2015 and we went to Paris and London for our honeymoon. Seeing that London wasn't far from the Mind Tools HQ at the time, we made a trip to Horsham to finally meet all my wonderful colleagues in person. It was literally one of the highlights of our honeymoon.

Two years later, I was invited to join the celebrations when Mind Tools won the Queen's Award for Enterprise. Once again, I got to meet some colleagues whom I'd not yet seen in person. It was yet another experience and occasion that I'll never forget.

Over the years, I've been privileged to have wonderful team members who gave their all – even though they were all contractors, who worked part-time as Mind Tools coaches. They taught me many things, challenged me, supported me, and helped me to grow as a person and as a leader.

Earlier this year, I reached a point in my life when I desperately needed a six-week break from work. It wasn't a break planned months in advance, but rather weeks. However, as always, the team, with the help of our managing editor, pulled together. They simply made things work; sometimes by the skin of their teeth, but quitting was never an option.

If it sounds like we only had good times, don't be fooled. Over the years we've had sad times, challenging personalities, major health scares, difficult situations, and loads of change to deal with. However, the good times far outweigh anything else. As a team, we always found productive ways to deal with the challenges.

Celebrate the Life

An ending like this cannot arrive without bringing a huge sense of loss. And even though I feel grief, I also celebrate the years I spent with Mind Tools.

I gained experience and learned skills that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. And I was forced to grow, learn and be self-reliant. To find ways of making things work and learn how to work in a virtual team.

I celebrate the people in my team, the leaders who guided me. And, of course, and the colleagues who supported me through thick and thin.

If I didn't already know it, the year that wasn't (2020) revealed who my colleagues were as human beings, and the heart of the company. I received so much love, care and support from everybody and even had the most joyous virtual birthday celebration!

Naming the Story

I was wondering what I'd call it if I had to name my Mind Tools story. While writing this blog, I thought a fitting name would be "Lessons in Love and Leadership."

Lessons in Leadership

The leaders I worked with at Mind Tools always lead by example. I was given room to make decisions, make mistakes, and be me while being taught and guided gently.

They raised the bar and supported me, changed things, and helped me navigate. They listened to me, allowed me to do new things and asked, "What do you need from us?" That's how the #MTtalk Twitter chat came about.

Lessons in Love

I know it feels weird to talk about "love" when talking about a workplace. However, let's treat this as a "mathematical" equation:

Acceptance + kindness + care + support + grace + gentle correction + guidance + connection = love. How can it not be love? It's not the type of love that is shouted from the rooftops yet never actioned. It's rather the type of love that isn't spoken of but demonstrated daily in a thousand different ways.

Human beings are meaning-making beings, and this story of leadership and love helped me make meaning of me.

What's My Next Story?

What's my next story? I don't know. I see the void that invites possibilities, opportunities, and new ways of thinking and becoming. As much as I'm a human being, I'm also a human becoming – one in the process of writing a new story.

But the ending of this story is happening now. All I'm doing with it is sitting with how I feel. I also invite gratitude into this space, gratitude for the shared and sacred Story of Mind Tools. It's one that binds me to some of the most exceptional people I've ever met.

We part as colleagues; we continue as friends.

When Does a Story End?

When does a story start? "That's easy," I hear you say. "It starts at the beginning." But any story really starts long before its beginning.

And when does it end? I hear you say, "It ends at the end." But a story never ends because it changes who we are. It changes how we think, what we do, and some of it passes through us to other people. Its threads and impact continue to grow in ways we know, and don't know.

Two things can be true at once. This is the end of a story, and yet it continues forever.

Special Thanks

Thank you to leaders and colleagues past and present and a special thanks to:

James and Rachel Manktelow, Charlie Swift, Keith Jackson, Jaye O'Farrell-Stevens, Alice Gledhill, Danielle Ormshaw, Dianna Podmoroff, Sarah Kyle, Anne Evison, and John Yates. A special thank you, too, to all my current colleagues in the Content Team, and Mel Dowding.

Resources

You may like to take a look at the following Mind Tools resources, then join the coaches’ events to share your thoughts, ask questions and learn more. Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Individual or Enterprise member to see all of the resources in full.

This Is My Story
Lead With a Story
What's in a Story?
The Story of Business Storytelling Video

You can read previous blogs by Yolandé and the coaching team here.

About the Author

Yolandé uses her 20+ years of experience as a therapist, coach, facilitator, and business school lecturer to help people develop their careers and live up to their potential. She thrives on facilitating conversations designed to build bridges between people by using creative questioning and thinking techniques.

You may mistake Yolandé for a city girl. But she's an honorary game ranger who loves birding, archaeology, and spending time in the African bush. Early morning runs with her rottweiler and reading (a lot) are her favorite activities. And her neighbors will tell you she loves the kitchen and it gives her joy to "bake" people happy!

The post What's Your Story? appeared first on Mind Tools.

Recently, it occurred to me that there's a lot of advice out there on how to give praise and positive feedback to a hard worker, but very little advice on how to receive these morale-boosting messages.

Accepting praise can make many people feel shy and uncomfortable – often because, even when we feel proud of our achievements, we don't want to appear egotistical.

Rather than accepting praise with polite grace, we'll often sheepishly reject the compliment, or even deny it entirely, changing the conversation as quickly as possible. After all, no one likes a bragger.

Responding With Denial and Deflection

This is exactly how I felt at my dad’s 50^th birthday party, just a few days after I had received my university results.

My parents were so proud of me that, on arrival, every single guest already knew my grades. As the party went on, dozens of people I didn’t know greeted me with warm, heartfelt congratulations. It was as if they were there to celebrate me!

I was baffled and a little overwhelmed by so much unexpected praise – especially from strangers!

Concerned about stealing my dad’s spotlight, and also starting to wilt under the sustained praise, I tried to deflect the kind compliments and blend into the background. I joked that the examiner must have been in a very generous mood when she marked my paper, and that I was just "lucky."

To say anything else would be narcissistic, I thought. My impressive grades had absolutely nothing to do with my three years’ hard work and dedication, I assured everyone. Pure coincidence.

There seems to be an unwritten rule (particularly in British culture) that the moment you accept praise is the moment you stop deserving it. It’s better to appear overly modest than overly self-confident… right?

Why Do We Reject Praise?

Praise can tap into many of our insecurities and worries.

Few of us wish to appear vain and immodest. We may worry that our accolade will provoke envy in others. Or, we might feel that the achievement has been exaggerated or overblown – OK, I did well, but it wasn’t that special or important!

In the workplace, there’s the fear that with praise might come extra work and higher expectations. Now that your boss has seen how competent you are, they’re going to pile on the pressure!

Praise might also reinforce the sense of being an impostor. Many people feel like they’re a fraud and live in fear that one day they'll be "found out."

Balancing Pride and Vanity

But, whatever our reasons, deflecting praise can also be perceived as arrogant, and even make our modesty seem little more than a pretense.

Imagine that your co-worker just completed an ultra-triathlon. Their family, friends and colleagues applaud them, but they just shrug it off like it was a walk in the park. Does this attitude seem to undermine the efforts and strain of the other participants, or imply that your co-worker believes that they possess the stamina of a comic-book superhero?

Finding the right balance between pride and vanity is the key to accepting praise gracefully. We needn’t fear what comes after praise: quite often, praise is simply its own reward, and respect is the only thing that follows.

Typically, it’s not the flattery itself that makes us feel bashful, but our own overthinking. If we dare to permit ourselves to enjoy a compliment, we may find it’s not so challenging after all!

Creating a Praise Culture

A major contributor to our inhibitions around accepting praise is the culture of "constructive criticism."

In every one-on-one meeting or annual appraisal, we’ve all come to expect the dreaded "but" after hearing what we’ve done well. We’re more accustomed to hearing what we need to improve, rather than unqualified praise.

How comfortable we feel when receiving recognition is also dependent on how it’s given – an announcement in front of 40-something co-workers (or party guests!) is enough to make any introvert shiver!

I’ve experienced the difficulties of celebrating achievement in many of my jobs. Having an "Employee of the Month," for example, can help to normalize praise in the workplace and generate motivation, but I’ve also seen how it can spark envy and competition.

A more relaxed approach to praise is having a "kudos" channel on a messaging platform. This allows everyone to share their gratitude toward other members with a little more intimacy and discretion.

But, ultimately, methods like these lack the impact of face-to-face praise. So, how can we accept praise in the right way?

Responding With Grace

Looking back, the affection I received at the party was humbling – people I hardly knew were showering me in admiration because they were genuinely impressed and pleased for me.

My degree hadn’t helped them in any way so there was no obligation to comment, but they still cared enough to say "well done." It was the sincerity that really touched me and made me feel like I had accomplished something spectacular.

Instead of dismissing the praise, I should have commented on how kind they were for noticing, or how pleased I was with my achievement.

Another good option is to "forward" praise – perhaps other people played a part in your success and deserve to share the attention. If you’re still lost for words, a simple "thank you" is the best way to go.

Own Your Strengths

There is absolutely no shame in accepting praise. Genuine messages of admiration are only voiced to those who have earned them.

Someone saying, "You did really well," or, "We couldn’t have done it without you," has the power to boost your self-esteem and make you feel an inch taller.

Not only do the words carry a message of gratitude and recognition, but the thought behind them shows that your efforts are appreciated and not going unnoticed.

So, the next time you get the recognition you deserve, don't hide your pride – own your strengths and try to enjoy the moment. You deserve it!

If you liked this blog, you may be interested in the following resources:

How Do You Take Pride at Work?
Getting Feedback
Celebrating Achievement
Self-Sabotage
How Self-Confident Are You?
Boost Your Self-Esteem Video

About the Author:

Alice Gledhill commissions, plans and writes many of our blogs. An Assistant Content Editor, she also makes videos and infographics, as well as handling the many requests we get to reuse our content. A restless learner, Alice is currently doing a master’s degree in media, ethics and social change. Away from work, she’s happiest when she’s spending time with friends, roller-skating, or playing Lady Gaga at top volume.

The post Accepting Praise – How to Own Your Achievements appeared first on Mind Tools.

The urge to take an afternoon snooze has grown stronger in recent times – particularly since I started working from home. And, if I'm being honest, I've caved and used my lunch break to take a nap on more than a few occasions.

But I could never shake the grogginess and guilt that hung over me the rest of the day. Catching a few extra winks didn't exactly feel like a productive use of my time. And was it possible that I felt even more tired than before?

The Science Behind the Afternoon Slump

It turns out that I’m not alone in feeling a little sleepy. In fact, research shows that more than a third of adults in the U.S. don't get enough sleep and a quarter of Brits report feeling tired "most of the time." This can severely impact your energy levels throughout the day.

Many of us will be familiar with the afternoon slump. Usually occurring between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m., this drop in our energy levels can be caused by all sorts of factors: from natural dips in our circadian rhythm or a carbohydrate-heavy lunch to more serious issues such as insomnia, anemia or hypothyroidism.

Not only can persistent fatigue be bad for your health, but it can also severely impact your work. Productivity can dip, mistakes can creep in, and it can even affect your memory. In the U.S., poor sleep is believed to cost the economy $411 billion every year.

The Power of Napping

When your eyelids are feeling a little heavy, you might be tempted to reach for the caffeine or simply power through to the end of the day. Instead, research suggests that napping may well be the answer.

Napping is no longer a luxury reserved just for children. Scientists are encouraging working adults to step back from their rigid routines and rest their eyes for just 30 minutes a day. In return, power nappers reported feeling more energized, focused and creative. Long-term napping may even help your ability to learn and prevent brain shrinkage!

But does it actually work? Well, there was only one way to find out: I put the theory to the test and took a power nap every day for a week, and these were the results.

Do Naps Really Work?

Monday

A busy weekend and a late Sunday night added up to a sluggish Monday morning for me. Frankly, I was looking forward to getting some more sleep. Through my research, I’d found that 20 minutes seemed to be the optimal amount of time for a power nap, though I’ll admit I was a little skeptical that it would be enough to tackle my fatigue.

When my afternoon slump bore down on me at 2 p.m., I set the timer on my phone and shut my eyes. Perhaps it was the pressure of trying to make the most of those precious 20 minutes, or maybe it was just my neighbor’s love of loud drum 'n' bass, but I certainly didn’t sleep. However, I was pleasantly surprised that I still felt rested.

Tuesday

After the previous day's noisy distraction, I chose a quieter location for my nap. I was pleased to find that I was able to fall asleep this time around. The alarm ringing in my ear was an unwelcome wake-up call, however, and did leave me feeling a bit grouchy.

Wednesday

Disaster hit on Wednesday. I managed to sleep through my alarm and napped for a whole 45 minutes. I was totally disoriented and paranoid that I could have lost even more of my day, so Wednesday did not turn out as productive or relaxing as I'd hoped.

Thursday

It was a busy day of meetings and deadlines, so it wasn't until 4 p.m. that I managed to find time to shut my eyes. By this point, however, the afternoon slump had been and gone so I pretty much just relaxed on the sofa for 20 minutes. Not that I was complaining!

Friday

By the end of the week, I felt much more confident. I'd found the best spot in my flat for a midday kip and had gathered a handful of guided meditations to help me doze off. I had mastered the power nap and I was able to tackle my afternoon with enough energy to complete my to-do list – and with time to spare!

What Makes the Perfect Power Nap?

It's safe to say that I'm now a convert to the power napping movement. But it took a little while to find the right balance, and everyone's routine will be different. So, if you're looking to incorporate power naps into your working day, here are the answers to some questions you may be asking yourself.

When Should I Nap?

This will depend on your schedule, but experts suggest timing your nap midway between waking up in the morning and going to bed in the evening. For most people, this will fall around 2 p.m. to 3 p.m., when your circadian rhythm is naturally inclined to dip.

Listen to your body: if you feel your energy waning, this may be its way of telling you that it needs sleep. But be careful about napping too late in the day or you may struggle to get to sleep later.

Where Should I Nap?

It might sound obvious, but a quiet spot is best for an effective nap. High-traffic areas will be too distracting so try to find a comfortable space where you can shut out the noise and focus on your rest. This will likely be easier if you work from home but sleep pods are a great option if you want a place to snooze in the office!

How Do I Nap?

Thoughts of upcoming meetings, deadlines, and growing to-do lists can prevent you from making the most of your power nap. In these instances, I found it helpful to listen to music or guided meditations. Earplugs are also useful if, like me, you struggle with noisy neighbors.

How Long Should I Nap For?

The ideal nap length will vary from person to person, but the prevailing advice is for somewhere between 15 to 30 minutes.

I often found it tempting to ignore the alarm and go back to sleep. But after a short adjustment period, 20 minutes was enough time to fend off the afternoon slump without feeling groggy or sacrificing my entire lunch break.

How to Improve Your Sleep Hygiene

Napping may have many benefits, but experts are clear that this should not be treated as a remedy for "sleep debt" – when you sleep fewer hours than your body needs.

Your ideal amount of sleep will depend on factors such as your metabolic rate and chronotype (your inclination to sleep at a certain time). But most adults need at least seven hours of sleep every night. The more of these hours you miss, the more sleep debt you'll accumulate.

So, if your fatigue persists, it may be time to reassess your nighttime routine. A healthy diet, exercise, and reduced screen time are all simple and effective ways to get a better night's sleep. If your symptoms don't improve, be sure to seek medical advice.

Napping in the Workplace

From siestas to the Japanese practice of inemuri (sleeping at work), it's clear that some parts of the world have been quicker to incorporate afternoon naps into their schedules than others. But as evidence grows to support the benefits of naps, sleep could well become a more commonplace fixture in our working routines!

Useful Resources:

Getting a Good Night’s Sleep
Rest, Relaxation and Sleep
Why We Sleep: The New Science of Sleep and Dreams
The Science of a Good Night’s Sleep
10 Ways to Get a Better Night’s Sleep
Energizing Yourself
How to Relax After a Hard Day

About the Author

Content Editor Rosie Robinson is a passionate and eclectic learner. She's relearning Japanese, taking singing lessons, and has just completed a screenwriting course. With a background in illustration, she loves to produce attractive and eye-catching content. Rosie works on a variety of Mind Tools resources and is a key part of our video team: writing scripts, helping to run filming days with presenters and actors, and creating montage videos of her own. She advises others to say yes to any opportunities that arise. "Chances are, you’ll be able to pick up the new skills you need much faster than you thought."

The post Sleeping on the Job: Can Napping at Work Boost Performance? appeared first on Mind Tools.

But emotions have their place at work, much as many of us like to pretend that our jobs are all business. Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy have written two excellent books on the topic. "No Hard Feelings" describes the need and value of bringing your emotions to work in a balanced way, while "Big Feelings" discusses how to deal with the difficult feelings we all face at times.

Sometimes we're dealing with big feelings in our personal lives. We might need support. And acknowledging and addressing our emotional needs can help us to get our work done.

Feelings Too Big to Hide at Work

Last year, I struggled with my big feelings around major life transitions. I hadn't mentioned these personal events to any colleagues. Then I attended a team-building event where the whole company got together.

It started with an ice-breaker exercise and I found myself face-to-face with the head of the whole company. We had a question to discuss that looked innocent on the surface, but it also got a bit personal. As I started answering the question, I began to cry, right in front of him.

He didn't know the context for my breakdown, as it wasn't really contained in the question or my answer. But I'm grateful for his kind and even-handed response. It was a wake-up call for me that I needed support during this tough time. My feelings were too big to keep to myself – and too overwhelming to successfully fence off from my working life.

Finding Support

Ultimately, work is what helped me navigate these big feelings. I spoke to supportive colleagues about my life changes. I also attended a program called "Tea and Talk," offered by my company's Mental Health First Aid initiative. One colleague led these monthly sessions, facilitating laid-back discussions around a mental health topic while we all chatted over coffee or tea.

Sometimes we need to take time off to navigate big feelings. For me, it was the opposite – I found that my work provided a necessary distraction from getting too overwhelmed by emotions.

Having something useful to do helped me feel productive during a difficult time. And when I needed to take small breaks during the day to process emotions by doing things like taking a walk or grabbing a cup of tea, my flexible working schedule allowed me to take them.

Feeling and Connecting

Bringing my feelings to work, like I'm doing right now in this blog, helps me connect with others, whether it's through the content I write or my relationships with colleagues. I've realized that knowing how to handle my emotions in a healthy way makes me better at my job.

So, don't leave your big feelings behind when you start your workday. They won't stay there. Learn how to bring them gracefully into your professional life, and they'll enrich the work you do!

Listen to Our "Big Feelings and No Hard Feelings" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio recordings.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Club member or corporate user, listen to the "Big Feelings and No Hard Feelings" Book Insight now!

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

About the Author

Melanie has worked as a writer, freelance and in-house editor, university writing instructor, and language teacher. She is the author of a short story collection, "Dream Signs," and a non-fiction book, "The Modern Enneagram." Melanie has written for several publications including Huffington Post, Cicada, and Contrary Magazine. And she is a certified teacher of the Enneagram, a personality typology that illuminates people's core motivations.

The post When Big Feelings Come to Work  appeared first on Mind Tools.

Boredom might sound appealing to those who are constantly rushed off their feet. But feeling underworked may be more common and damaging than you think. In fact, a recent study showed that almost 20 percent of U.S. workers feel "actively disengaged" from their work. It's such a prolific problem that it even has a name: rust-out.

Rust-out vs. Burnout

If burnout is the stressed and tired employee rushing from one task to the next, rust-out is their lethargic and unmotivated colleague.

The term, originally coined by psychotherapist Paula Coles, refers to chronic boredom borne out of unstimulating work. In contrast, burnout is caused by overstimulation. And while it may sound contradictory, doing too little can be just as emotionally exhausting as doing too much.

The causes of burnout and rust-out may be poles apart but the symptoms can be surprisingly similar. Those suffering with rust-out can feel agitated, short-tempered or anxious, and may procrastinate to avoid work that doesn't motivate them. If left unchecked, long-term boredom can even affect your eating and sleeping habits, and lead to depression.

How to Spot the Signs of Rust-out

Much like real rust, rust-out can linger below the surface and may not be immediately obvious. You may even mistake it for laziness. Instead, rust-out can actually be a sign that you've outgrown your role or responsibilities.

Perhaps you feel that your job is the same day in, day out, with no sign of change. Or that the work you do doesn't align with your personal values. It could be that your skills aren't being put to proper use. You're certainly not learning anything new.

And while rust-out can occur at any point in your career, these feelings are particularly common among new graduates and middle managers. The former may feel limited by a role that doesn't reflect their abilities and qualifications. The latter may feel stuck in their routine, unable to progress, and believe that their career has plateaued.

How to Defeat Rust-out

Whether you're suffering from rust-out yourself, or you manage someone else who is, spotting the signs early is the best way to tackle it before it gets out of hand.

Be Honest

When a job becomes boring or unfulfilling, it's easy to assume that you need to move on to greener pastures. But a new job isn't the only answer.

Be honest with your manager about how you're feeling and discuss ways that you can incorporate more of what you love into your existing role. There may be more opportunities to craft your job to your liking than you realize!

As a manager, be compassionate and broach the subject carefully. Assure your team member that you're there to help, and establish a solid understanding of the problem before you offer solutions.

Identify Your Values

One common reason that people feel unhappy in their jobs is that their work doesn't reflect their values. Consider the times in your life and career when you've felt the happiest, proudest and most fulfilled.

Perhaps it’s when you've helped someone through a difficult time, solved a seemingly impossible problem, or made a lucrative sale. Once you've determined what matters most to you, you'll be able to prioritize these values and steer your career in the right direction.

As a manager, be patient and open-minded; this process can take time and you may hear some hard truths, but it's vital that you don’t become defensive. In fact, this feedback is crucial to ensure that your team is running at its best.

Find Your Passions

Do you have any special skills that aren’t being utilized? For example, do you have a creative streak that's going unnoticed in an admin-heavy role? When our strengths and passions are ignored or underappreciated, it's easy to lose motivation.

Identify the things that you do best and explore ways that you can incorporate them into your job, as well as other positions and opportunities that better suit your skillset.

It's a manager's role to ensure that everyone's jobs align with their strengths so keep an eye out for skills gaps in your teams. What new opportunities could your team members take on? What support or training would they need to develop? How can you help them achieve their goals?

The Bright Side of Rust-out

Rust-out can feel like a dark cloud hanging over you, but the good news is that there is a silver lining. If you're feeling unfulfilled in your job, then now is a great opportunity to reassess your current position, immediate opportunities for growth, and long-term goals.

Useful Resources

Here's a curated list of Mind Tools relevant resources (please keep in mind you may need to be a member of the Mind Tools Club to access certain resources):

What Are Your Values?

Overcoming Procrastination (Skillbook)

How to Take Care of Your “Social Battery”

Job Crafting

Avoiding Burnout

About the Author

With a background in writing and illustration, Rosie uses her creative eye to produce eye-catching content. Specializing in videos, newsletters and articles, Rosie produces, writes, edits, and proofreads a wide range of resources. When she's not busy working, she'll likely be found whipping up cakes for her friends and family!

The post What Is Rust-out? Meet Burnout's Boring Alter Ego appeared first on Mind Tools.

I took one look at the heap of bills and unanswered correspondence, rolled my sleeves up, and... found something else to do. Anything else. All the time. It was only when court summonses started rolling in that I finally started making panic-stricken phone calls. My stress levels went through the roof. Everything seemed out of control.

Searching for the Causes of Procrastination

It shouldn't have been that way. A normal person, I told myself, would make lists, set priorities, and actually do something. Not me. What was wrong with me?

I've always tended to ride deadlines. Been afraid of committing to action. I'm probably even writing this blog much closer to the copy date than most of my co-workers would. Down the years, I've had a few tries at improving matters. I've written action plans and endless to-do lists. And though this enforced self-discipline has had some effect, the underlying problem doesn't go away.

So what is wrong with me?

The Problem With Emotion

In the past, I’ve fielded plenty of opinions. They usually focus on personal organization, and specifically time management. So is that the answer? Set enough goals and deadlines, tick off enough achievements, and everything will be OK?

Maybe not. Because research suggests that the root cause of procrastination may not be as simple as poor time management. It's about poor emotional management.

Procrastination as a Coping Mechanism

Professor Fuschia Sirois and Dr Tim Pychyl are leading researchers in the field of procrastination. In their 2013 research paper, they suggest that individuals often resort to procrastination as a coping mechanism to deal with negative emotions associated with stress, anxiety, fear of failure, or even boredom.

By postponing tasks or avoiding them altogether, people temporarily relieve these distressing emotions. This short-term relief, however, comes at the cost of increased stress and anxiety as deadlines loom.

One of the worst things about procrastination is that, most of the time, we're aware we're doing it. This self-awareness reinforces our sense of shame and promotes self-blame. And that reinforces the negative emotions that led to procrastination in the first place. It's a vicious circle.

We Don't All Procrastinate Alike

At this point, it's important to note that not everyone experiences procrastination in the same way. OK, so almost everyone does it from time to time. But for some people it's a serious problem. And the causes aren't always the same.

People with ADHD, for example, have an increased tendency to procrastinate. But research suggests that this is more to do with the difficulty they experience in paying attention than with emotional problems.

If you're managing someone who struggles with procrastination, or if you're prone to it yourself, it's worth bearing all possible causes in mind.

So, what can we do about all this? If it's a problem with managing our emotions, then we need to start by acknowledging that. Here are a few ideas about coping with the emotional roots of procrastination:

• Recognize and acknowledge your emotions. Think about the emotions that arise when you're faced with a task. Take a moment to reflect on the feelings of anxiety, fear or self-doubt that influence your decision to procrastinate. By acknowledging these emotions, you can begin to develop healthier coping mechanisms.
• Be kind to your future self. Research shows that our brains aren't good at thinking about our future states. We literally see "future us" as different people. So spend time making that future self less of a stranger. How will they feel if you don't get that project finished, or skip your gym session? Likely not great. So be kinder to them, and visualize how actually getting things done will benefit you down the line.
• Reframe negative thoughts. Negative thoughts and self-doubt often contribute to procrastination. Challenge these thoughts by replacing them with more positive and realistic beliefs. Remind yourself that progress, not perfection, is the goal and that even small steps toward completing a task are valuable.
• Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself when faced with setbacks or difficulties. Recognize that everyone encounters obstacles and that mistakes are a part of the learning process. Practice self-compassion by forgiving yourself for past procrastination and focusing on the positive action you can take now.
• Regulate your emotions. Use effective emotion-regulation strategies such as mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, or journaling. These techniques can help you to navigate negative emotions more skillfully, reducing the urge to procrastinate.

Establishing Good Practice to Beat Procrastination

OK, so you procrastinate because you don't handle negative emotions well, not because you're a lousy time manager. But there are a few techniques that can help with the practical side of beating procrastination. For example:

• Set realistic goals. Vague goals can be demotivating and increase the likelihood of procrastination. Set clear and achievable goals that outline what you need to do and when. Decide what your future self would want to see, and develop a clear plan of action to make that happen.
• Break tasks into manageable chunks. Overwhelming tasks can be paralyzing, and lead you into the cycle of procrastination. Break down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. This approach not only makes the task less intimidating but also provides a sense of accomplishment as you complete each step.
• Plan specific actions to overcome obstacles. For example, if you need to work on a challenging project, you could establish a specific time and place for working on it. This approach helps you to create a concrete plan that reduces ambiguity and makes it easier to start.
• Enlist the support of others. Make yourself accountable to co-workers to enhance motivation and commitment. Sharing progress, setbacks and deadlines with a trusted individual or group can provide both support and extra accountability.

So will all this lead you (and me) to be better at getting things done? Only time will tell. I do believe that my future self would like to be a bit less stressed by my current self's inaction. Believing that is a start.

So it’s back to the piles of paper and the urgent phone calls. But at least I've got an idea of how to get through it, and what to focus on. And that helps. A lot.

To help you learn more about tackling procrastination, Mind Tools members have a range of resources to choose from, including:

How to Stop Procrastinating

Are You a Procrastinator?

Overcoming Procrastination Video

Emotional Intelligence

About the Author

Simon has been researching, writing and editing non-fiction for over 30 years. In that time he's worked on educational courses, scientific journals, and mass-market trade books about everything from popular psychology to buying houses in Bulgaria. In the past 20 years he's specialized in simplifying complex subjects, and helping readers to learn new skills. Away from work he listens to good music, watches bad football, and is fascinated by medieval history.

The post Tackling Procrastination – at the Root appeared first on Mind Tools.

Food is one of our most basic needs – along with water, sleep, shelter, and oxygen: the things upon which our very survival depends. These requirements form the first, basic level of Abraham Maslow's famous "Hierarchy of Needs."

According to Maslow, our physiological and psychological needs motivate our behavior and choices. Those needs progress from basic needs to more complex ones until we achieve "self-actualization" or "all that we can be."

"What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself"

Abraham Maslow, U.S. psychologist, (1908–1970)

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is often illustrated as a pyramid, with Level 1 at the base, up to Level 5, as follows:

Level 5: self-actualization – the need to experience purpose and meaning, creativity, acceptance, and fulfilling your potential.

Level 4: self-esteem – the need for respect, self-esteem, recognition, achievement, and confidence.

Level 3: love, belonging – the need to feel wanted and that you belong. 

Level 2: safety, security – the need to be safe and secure, and to have shelter.

Level 1: physiology, body – the basic need for oxygen, water, food, rest, warmth, and shade.

But back to me working on an empty stomach... Here’s how it usually transpired. When the belly signals got loud enough and persistent enough, my brain would wander from, for example, creating a course module to a craving for bananas. I don’t even like bananas! But for some reason, they leaped to mind when I was hungry.

I’d gently coax my mind back to my course module and all would go well for a while, but then I’d imagine eating peanut butter. I don’t like peanut butter either, yet my mind was telling me what my body needed because my poor body dialed my number but got a busy signal all the time. 

Then it was a case of rinse and repeat until donut thoughts or fast food came to mind and the gentle coaxing no longer worked. I had to strong-arm myself back to concentrating on my work.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and Physiological Survival

What I noticed in such situations was that the longer I ignored my body’s signals, the more calorie-dense the food in my intrusive thoughts became. My theory is that my body was sending me more urgent signals, trying its best to entice me with calorie-rich food in order to fulfill a biological need. 

The interesting thing is that since those years, I’ve taught myself to do water fasts. (Don’t try it without talking to your doctor.) On day three of a five-day water fast, my hunger is severe, but I can work and concentrate. 

So, what’s the difference between the situations? When I was younger, I felt I had to diet to lose weight to be acceptable. Although it was a choice, it felt like a "forced choice." 

I’ve since got my weight under control and my choice to fast is a healthy one made with free will. When I fast, I know I can stop whenever I want to, because I have food in my fridge. I choose to continue fasting.  

However, if you can’t fulfill a physiological survival need today, and you have no idea how you’re going to fulfill it tomorrow or the day after, I imagine that would take up an immense amount of your mental capacity. 

In the case of hunger, the bottom of the pyramid, your needs are unmet.

Meeting the Need for Rest

All of us have probably experienced a lack of rest. At some point, you can't think of anything other than how tired you are. You can’t concentrate, you don’t want to talk, you don’t want to eat, and you can’t plan for the next five minutes let alone the next five weeks!  

I live in a country where many people experience constant fatigue as a result of their living conditions. They live in noisy areas, the shelter their houses provide is often inadequate, it's unsafe, and they have to travel far to get to work.  

The result is that they’re often unenthusiastic at work, disengaged during training sessions, and uninvolved. Who can blame them, though? Their level-one need is consistently unmet, and they simply have no energy to be upbeat. That doesn’t mean that they lack the desire to progress, but there are more pressing needs.

Migrating Between Levels in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Working with people in any capacity (as peers or team members) always confronts us with this question: are their basic needs (levels one and two) being met? If not, what can we do to support them, and how much can we realistically expect from them? Even when people's needs are met, how can we support them and what can we expect of them?  

This might not be the same from day to day, as confusing as that sounds. It doesn’t mean that I have to do a needs check with everybody every morning.

And I know that I sometimes migrate between need levels depending on what’s happening in my life. An argument with a loved one before you leave for work might impact your level three need. You shouldn‘t assume that you won't be able to operate at level four or even five, but it could have an impact.

That shows us that Maslow’s hierarchy isn't just useful to help us to understand others' behavior, it can also help us evaluate ourselves and better understand our own choices and actions. 

There are cases of people whose level one or two needs are consistently unfulfilled, yet they strive to fulfill their level four and five needs. However, because you’ve met one or two people like that, it doesn’t mean that everybody is like that. They are few and it takes an unusually strong desire, will and an almost superhuman ability to function despite the reality of their lived experience. 

I’m in the fortunate position that I often feel purposeful, and that my life, work and existence have meaning. I feel I am making a difference, even if It's a small one. And it is because my basic needs are being met, as a result of having reconnected with long-lost family, made friends where we live, and through my colleagues at Mind Tools. All the pieces of the puzzle fit snugly together, for now.

For more information on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, see the following articles. You will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full:

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs 

Self-Mastery 

About the Author

Yolandé uses her 20+ years of experience as a therapist, coach, facilitator, and business school lecturer to help people develop their careers and live up to their potential. She thrives on facilitating conversations designed to build bridges between people by using creative questioning and thinking techniques.

You might mistake her for a city girl, but Yolandé is an honorary game ranger, loves birding, archaeology, and spending time in the African bush. Morning runs with her rottweiler and reading are her favorite activities. She loves the kitchen and it gives her joy to "bake" people happy. 

The post Taking Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Into Consideration at Work  appeared first on Mind Tools.

That's it, what to say about... Oh wait up, what's this? An email alert from the boss. Can't ignore that. And my phone just pinged me. And before you know it, an hour's gone by and this blog is going nowhere.

It's a problem we've likely all faced. It's difficult to give your attention to just one thing over the course of a working day. When did you last manage it? So many other nudges, notifications and essential updates jostle for your attention.

And that's just the work stuff. Add all the funny noises my phone makes, and a bad day can be a constant battle to concentrate on anything.

A Crisis of Focus

This is a relatively recent phenomenon. But it's getting worse. How much worse? Well, as Johann Hari is keen to explain in his book "Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention," the forces determined to attract and keep our attention are everywhere, and they're enormously powerful.

And we aren't doing enough to help ourselves. Sound like something from the "Matrix" movie franchise? It's not. "Stolen Focus" isn't a bunch of conspiracy theories. It’s based on many interviews with leading experts in everything from Big Tech to sleep deprivation.

And the picture they paint is a disturbing one.

The Battle for Attention

First, they really are out to get us. There are whole industries dedicated to grabbing our attention. They offer what we think of as rewards – bonus points, membership privileges, that sort of thing – and in return we give them our data.

Then they use that data to build complex profiles of us so that they can put adverts before us for things they know we want.

If that sounds sinister, consider what else behavioral scientists and data analysts can use that data for. They can predict not just what we might want to buy, but what we think about bigger issues. Even how we might vote. If they can predict something, they will likely try to influence it.

Sure, we can switch off our devices. We can lock them away. If we're lucky, we can escape to remote locations – as Hari does. But we're still susceptible. We're still experiencing something close to addiction.

How We Steal Our Own Focus

Second, we harm our own attention from the moment we get up. All too often we grab high-fat, high-sugar snacks rather than proper food. We expose ourselves to brain-damaging pollution daily.

When we do finally put aside the screens to go to bed, we can't sleep properly. So our brains are exhausted, and our ability to focus takes another knock.

Many of us also live in cultures that value the quick fix. So doctors prescribe vast quantities of drugs to treat ADHD, depression and sleeplessness, while leaving the root causes untouched.

In some cases, these causes are to do with innate psychological problems and brain chemistry. But for many people, maybe most, it's the environment in which they live that's the problem.

The Will to Change – and Why We Often Can't

There's another insidious factor at work, and again it's cultural. Hari calls it "cruel optimism." We all want to believe that we can change. That belief should be empowering.

But it's double-edged. If we fail to give up junk food, Twitter, or playing video games until 3 a.m., it's on us. Our willpower's the problem. Never mind that billions of dollars are spent every year trying to overcome that willpower.

Reclaiming Our Attention

It's a grim picture. So are there any positives? Well, we can take steps to change the way we behave as individuals, cruel optimism or not. Hari outlines them. And we can learn lessons from some societies that have taken steps to address this constant erosion of attention.

But Hari's main targets throughout are larger scale. They're industrial complexes and dysfunctional societies. And they will only change how they behave through collective action. Whether it's because customers or activists demand it, or governments enforce it, it'll still be a long-term battle.

"Stolen Focus" is a wake-up call. It deserves our attention – if we can spare it. Because the consequences of whole societies being in a state of distraction are dire. They certainly go beyond whether this blog gets finished or not.

So I'll definitely be turning off the laptop earlier, and spending more time with a good book. As soon as I've checked Twitter, obviously.

Listen to Our "Stolen Focus" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio recordings.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Club member or corporate user, listen to the "Stolen Focus" Book Insight now!

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

About the Author

Simon has been researching, writing and editing non-fiction for over 30 years. In that time he's worked on educational courses, scientific journals, and mass-market trade books about everything from popular psychology to buying houses in Bulgaria. In the last 20 years he's specialized in simplifying complex subjects, and helping readers to learn new skills. Away from work he listens to good music, watches bad football, and is fascinated by medieval history.

The post Time to Focus on Our Dangerous Lack of Focus appeared first on Mind Tools.

Unfortunately, there are many irritating people out there – from the story one-uppers and interrupters to the lazy good-for-nothings, know-it-alls, and lip-smackers. In fact, you may even work with a few of them.

What Is a Difficult Person – and Could It Be You?

Difficult behavior will look and impact everyone differently. Psychology professor and personality researcher, Joshua D Miller, Ph.D. identified seven traits of "disagreeableness" – callousness, grandiosity, aggressiveness, suspicion, manipulativeness, dominance, and risk-taking.

According to Miller, these seven traits help us to understand how antagonistic behavior can present in different people and strongly overlap with the three dark personality traits, otherwise known as the Dark Triad.

Miller even went on to use these traits to create a quiz for people to quantify their difficult personality as a percentage. I don't think I need to divulge what percentage I got, but let's just say it wasn't zero…

So, it turns out that everyone's at least a little bit difficult. But, according to Miller, as long as we are open and willing to change, our antagonism doesn't have to define us. So perhaps we shouldn't be too judgmental of other people's annoying qualities.

Three Tips for Working With Difficult People

Fine, we've admitted that we may not be the easiest to get along with. But that doesn't change the fact that we still have to work with difficult people. And while spending every day with them may feel like a never-ending nightmare, it's a reality that we all have to face.

So, if you want to keep your career and reputation intact, you'll need to learn to keep a cool head and deal with these situations respectfully and professionally.

Author of "Getting Along: How to Work With Anyone (Even Difficult People)," Amy Gallo, says that by modeling the behavior you want to see, you can "nudge" people into having more productive interactions. (You can hear from more experts about how to work with difficult people in our latest podcast episode.)

And while you may not be able to completely change other people's behavior, you can change how you react to it by following these simple rules:

1. Choose Your Battles

Consider if a person's difficult behavior is worth confronting. Does it get in the way of you doing your job? Have others complained? For example, a colleague chewing their lunch with their mouth open may be annoying, but it probably doesn't affect your work and may not warrant a discussion.

2. Take a Breather

Antagonistic actions can be tough to ignore and it's easy to allow them to cloud your judgment. Before you address the issue, take a moment to gather yourself. Deep breathing and slowly counting to 10 can help to lower your heart rate, restore calm, and look at the situation objectively.

3. Pick Your Words Carefully

If you do choose to approach the person about their behavior, be sure to do it privately. Be honest about how they have made you feel and assert your boundaries but always remain calm and polite. They may not even be aware of what they've been doing so be patient and allow them to explain themselves.

Getting along with your co-workers is an essential part of working life. But when antagonistic behavior threatens to disturb the peace, it's important not to let your emotions get the better of you. Gather yourself, be honest, and most importantly, treat others with kindness. After all, no one's perfect.

Have you ever worked with difficult people? To learn more about how to deal with difficult people, check out our supporting article.

About the Author

With a background in writing and illustration, Rosie uses her creative eye to produce eye-catching content. Specializing in videos, newsletters and articles, Rosie produces, writes, edits, and proofreads a wide range of resources. When she's not busy working, she'll likely be found whipping up cakes for her friends and family!

The post Am I a Difficult Person – or Is It Everyone Else? appeared first on Mind Tools.

Mental health issues make people feel uncomfortable. I'm not talking about people who suffer from them – I mean the people who don't. When you don't have any personal experience of poor mental health, it can be – excuse the pun – difficult to get your head around.

If you meet a friend or co-worker hobbling along on crutches, you can immediately sympathize and empathize. You notice and process the clues easily, because you recognize what you see, and understand its likely consequences. And it's possible that you've suffered a similar injury yourself in the past, and almost literally "feel their pain."

But the clues that someone has a mental health issue can be far more difficult to identify and react to.

Chances are, someone with such a condition is doing their best to hide it. They'll forego the opportunity to receive any of that same sympathy and empathy because it's risky. Having anything less than 100 percent good mental health holds a stigma. So it can be tricky to know what to say if someone does confide in you, or if you find out some other way.

Mental Health Is a Battle on Two Fronts

Social awkwardness is unfortunate, but the shame and fear it can lead to can create lasting damage.

People can be extremely reluctant to reveal their mental struggles because of the potential impact on their careers and relationships. And so they fight on two fronts – managing the condition itself and trying to present a "normal" façade to the rest of the world.

I described my own, mercifully short, battle with post-traumatic stress after a serious motorcycle accident in this Mind Tools blog. I still recall the fear I had of talking to anyone – family, friend or work colleague – about that consequence of the crash.

The isolation and sense of worthlessness that many people experience as a result of mental health issues can be devastating, as highlighted by the World Health Organization. The 2022 WHO report reveals that even when help is available, it's not taken up. The authors said, "People will often choose to suffer mental distress without relief rather than risk the discrimination and ostracization that comes with accessing mental health services."

Wellbeing in the Workplace

I like to think that, as individuals, we can overcome our initial awkwardness and confusion at learning that a colleague is facing a health challenge, and that we will be supportive and accepting. After all, isn't this what we need ourselves whenever we're having a tough time?

But can organizations do more to help us all to succeed and thrive at work?

Managers have to balance their responsibilities to their team members and to their organization. And, when it comes to health, these responsibilities need not conflict.

A workplace that's safe, both physically and mentally, and that enables its people to look after themselves and one another, will likely suffer less absenteeism and presenteeism. It will support more honest conversations, and engender more loyalty and trust. And all of these attributes can surely only help the bottom line.

This Mind Tools video explores six ways that organizations, leaders, and managers can support their people's mental health.

Points to Ponder: What Are Your Experiences of Mental Health at Work?

If you've managed someone facing a mental health issue, what strategies did you use? And if you've ever discussed your own mental health with your manager or co-workers, what reaction did you get? What approach does your organization take to mental health, and why?

If you would like to explore Mind Tools resources on mental health, here's a list for further reading:

Personal Financial Stress and Wellbeing
Hurry Sickness
How to Deal With Anxiety
Managing Stress
Managing Post-Traumatic Growth

About the Author:

Keith is a managing editor at Mind Tools and has been part of the content team since 2015. He's an experienced editor, writer and manager, with a long history of working in the e-learning and media industries.

The post Mental Health – Let's Get Our Heads Around It appeared first on Mind Tools.